if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
