Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
