mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
