I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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