he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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