took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
