if i died would you start the facebook group?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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