Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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