he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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