someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
