We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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