I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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