So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
where are you?
Hypothermia
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
