my mouth tastes like poor choices
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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