went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
