dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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