Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
