Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
