Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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