Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
