i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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