4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I AM VODKA MAN
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
