If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
