Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
