when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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