Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dear god my vagina.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
