A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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