I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
