I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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