I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
