Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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