Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
