This beer is not sobering me up at all
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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