He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
