: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
