We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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