the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dear god my vagina.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
