I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
