i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
