Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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