Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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