Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
