Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
