Only a mothe r could love this liver
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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