She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize