Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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