she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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