Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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