we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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