I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
