Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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