if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
