so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
