We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy