Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
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weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha