OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
