my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
