ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
