I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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