That's when you crack a 10am beer
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
