What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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