He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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