We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
