I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
