is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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