Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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