I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
