So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
