Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
