break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
