you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
