I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All the doctor said was why
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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