I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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