I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
