a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
