you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
