You made me cry and you don't even care
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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