you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So here I am, sexting at work.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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