What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
