Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
