And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
